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Why Chasing Chemistry Sets You Up for Failure in Love

Published on June 20, 2024
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Why Chasing Chemistry Sets You Up for Failure in Love

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The other day, I made a post on my Instagram account that riled up a LOT of ladies. It read: If you don't like his voice, or he isn't tall enough, or he's balding, or his teeth bother you...you have Love Blocks®.

And even with a caption on the post that indicated that I agree that you need to be attracted to your partner, my point was that when you are dating from an unhealed place, when your Love Blocks® haven't been cleared, you're placing emphasis on superficial qualities that will keep you stuck in perpetual singlehood. And I stand by it!

In my over two decades of experience helping over 180,000 successful women across the globe find personal transformation and true love, I can tell you right now: 99.9% of women who come to me with Love Blocks® find soulmate love with a man who is not their type.

There, I said it!

Love Blocks® blind you. Much like with my Instagram post, when you're not healed and you're blocked by toxic subconscious patterns that have failed you over and over again, you only see what you want to see. In this case, 90% of women who commented on the post read it as: "If he has funky dragon breath and bad oral hygiene, give him a chance! He could be your soulmate!"

But that's not what I said. What I said was "If his teeth bother you, you have Love Blocks®." Now, ma'ams, there is a gigantic difference between gingivitis or halitosis and a man whose daddy was too cheap to get him braces as a teen. Or, worse, all the women I know who don't like the way his one canine tooth flares out a bit from the rest. 

What I'm talking about ladies is NITPICKING. When you have Love Blocks®, you are operating from a place of fear. Deep down in your subconscious mind, you're actually afraid to put yourself in the utmost vulnerable position of falling in love with a man who may fall in love with you back. That's why you overly criticize every little thing about men before you can get too close, because what you're doing is your keeping yourself in a protective bubble so that you don't find him attractive and therefore project positive qualities onto him before you really know him and then become attached to a man's potential. Why, Shay? You ask--well, it's because you have the pattern of becoming attached to the wrong men who always end up breaking your heart.

You're nitpicking his shirt and his cowlick in his hair because you're afraid, ma'am. 

And I know what ya'll naysayers are going to tell me next: "I'd rather have Love Blocks® than date a man with bad hygiene who doesn't floss or brush his teeth!" Ma'ams, you're STILLLLLLL missing the point.

A lot of women live and die by prioritizing “chemistry” in their romantic interactions. If there's no "chemistry," they dip out. Let me tell you something about chemistry: gauging a stranger who you're on a date with by if you have chemistry or not will set you up for incredible failure. Want to know who you have chemistry with? The people in your past who have traumatized you. That's right. There's a reason why narcissists are notoriously incredible in bed. Why? Because they're masters at mirroring back to you all of the desires you're expressing. They LIVE for validation.

So let me say it again for the ladies in the back: When unhealed women, weighed down by unresolved Love Blocks®, make romantic connections, they're often acting from a place of deep psychological wounds and subconscious programming that have been embedded since childhood or through life's traumatic events—big or small.

What Does It Mean to Be Unhealed?

Being unhealed means that your subconscious mind is holding onto deep-seated wounds and programming that affects every decision you make, especially in love. These Love Blocks® are any thought, behavior, or belief (psychological barriers) that keep you stuck in a cycle of attracting and falling for the wrong kind of men. You might be a single successful woman, killing it in your career, but if you find yourself unsuccessful in love and dating, guess what? The common denominator in all your relationships is you, ma'am.

Recognize the Cycle, Break the Cycle

The first step toward healing and transformation is recognizing your cycle and acknowledging that you are the key to breaking it. This realization is a huge leap toward becoming a healed, whole version of yourself that not only attracts high-value men but also opens up a new version of you that sees the world through a clear lens. When bogged down by Love Blocks®, you physically and literally cannot see your soulmate. And guess what? He can’t see you either. We only ever see what we want to see while we're clouded by our subconscious wounds.

The Power of Personal Development

When you reach a new level of consciousness through personal development and subconscious transformation, you'll attract new, high value types of men, as well as opportunities and abundance into your life. If you're a woman who lives and dies by dating your "type," you’re missing out. Maybe you're adamant about wanting a man who isn’t balding, or you have specific criteria about his height, teeth, voice, style, or even the words he uses. But, focusing solely on physical chemistry and attraction blinds you to the goodness that may lie in his heart.

Soulful Love Over Physical Attraction

If you’re looking for your soulmate but don't give men a chance to show even a small part of their soul, you’re setting yourself up for failure. What’s more attractive than a tall, dark, and handsome man? A tall, dark, and handsome man with integrity, who keeps his word, is honest, dignified, future-focused, and, best of all, wants to pour love, protection, and provision into you for all his days.

The True Essence of a Lasting Relationship

Soulful love is the most powerful and important point of connection for a lasting relationship. If you’re dating with Love Blocks®, you’re unhealed and will keep attracting the same type of man who has broken your heart time and time again. He might tick all your physical boxes, but if he’s abusive, feminized, broke, wishy-washy about you, or makes you feel horrible about yourself, what good does it do?

It’s the man who brings out the best in you, grows in love, expands your world, and helps you become the best version of yourself that you love who can make you feel at ease and at peace. So, ma’am, stop focusing on the superficial “chemistry” and start looking for soulful connections. Only then will you be truly ready to attract your soulmate and experience the love you deserve.

And one more thing: You, ma'am, are not supposed to look for initial attraction off the bat. Why? Because it always gets you into trouble. You let hot people get away with too much. When a man is high value, courts you, and shows you who he is over time, your attraction for him will be 100x what it would be if you passed him on the street and thought his broad shoulders made him husband material. 

Find out more about my successful, world-renowned programs by clicking here.